New Year, new goals, and new habits...hopefully

First off, Happy New Year! It is 2008 and it's great to be alive! Isn't that fun to say? It's great to be alive! The year is going fine so far, but let's see what happens when school starts off again. As I start a new year I get contemplative and think about all the things that I should be doing, or not doing. New beginnings always inspire me to think about goals or resolutions that I should make. I usually don't follow through. But I desperately need to change a few things in my life. Here is my list, not comprehensive, not related, but maybe if I write it down more of it will happen. I'm not much a list person, for example I get no pleasure of crossing things off a list like Jenn. This is for me to keep track of myself. 1. Floss daily-I have to admit I don't do this. The hygenist yelled at me yesterday, and I want to keep my teeth healthy. I just need to remember when I had braces and couldn't floss my teeth. 2. Do well in my calling at church-I am already set apart as a first counselor in the Relief Society Presidency. Being a secretary last semester I already know a lot of the things that I will need to do. I am scared because I know that there is so much that I could do to help people, and I want to be able to. But I don't want to let myself become a slacker and let other people do the things I can. I want to be a good leader, care about the people I have stewardship of, and hopefully make a difference. Part of this is working on my calling during the week, not just on Sundays. Get goin', Meagan! 3. School-where am I headed? what is my end goal, what am I doing now to get there? This is not a new problem. Also Part B-do well this semester: get good grades from the beginning, and DON'T FALL ASLEEP IN CLASS!! (trust me this is big). 4. Religious aspects-read the whole BOM, am I going on a mission? Marissa is a good example for me :) 5. Have a good time this semester-I have to admit last semester was lacking. I did fun things but on the whole it was not memorable. I could be better friends with some people if I made more effort. And I could have done more things and made more memories if I had shown more initiative. I want to have fun! 6. Health-exercise, eat healthy food, and go to the gym with marissie. Goal is to do the Rex Lee Run in March. Get good sleep too.

As I said this list is not comprehensive. I do have good intentions. But I need to help myself keep those goals.

Something to think about: Being gone for a year from Richland has given me some new perspective. I went to church the Sunday before Christmas and there were a lot of families there. I also got all the latest gossip and scoop on what was going on. One family had their daughter visit from England with the two granddaughters. Her husband was not with her because he has stopped going to church. One of the girls, Sammy, is in a wheelchair. She has the cutest spirit. After church she greeted her grandfather with a "Hello, Grandpa!" with arms outstretched, telling him all about primary. This little girl has to live with an inactive dad. There was also a girl who is a year older than me who was home visiting. She had a baby with a man she slept with and she was in the ward to have her dad bless the little girl because the man is not LDS. They are married but I don't expect the marriage to last long. There is also the family that lives next door to me. They have 9 kids and all of them have left the church as they have grown older and moved out. One of them close to my age is on a mission right now in the Dominican Republic. He is the first of 5 out of 7 boys to serve. My heart breaks because while he is out serving the Lord his family is falling apart. One older brother dresses like a goth but he shows promise because he is going to college in Seattle. Another older brother lives with his girlfriend in Arizona. His younger brother who is gratuated lives a block away in an apartment with his girlfriend. Another younger brother has grown his hair very long and wears kilts to school every day. The bishop has refused to let this brother come to church wearing a kilt. His younger sister still goes to church and hopefully has good supportive friends. His dad goes to church also, but I just learned that his mom has stopped attending church. She had been going pretty regularly before this. All through this he is supposed to serve and email his family what he has been learning and teaching others. I get the same emails he sends his family and I hope they listen to the words he tells them every time. I pray that something will change their hearts. They are a good family and they need to support their son on a mission. The reason he is on a mission right now is because he had the support of many good friends who wouldn't let him fall away.

Anyways, with all of these stories it made me think about how the decisions you make effect those around you. I hadn't thought about this much before now but I can see whole generations affected by the decisions people have made, whether they are good or bad. I feel bad because it's not fair to those who had no say in your decision. The baby girl born to the non-LDS dad is going to go through life without her dad being a priesthood holder, or understanding what she is doing in the church. She didn't to anything to deserve that kind of life but has to live with the consequences her parents made. It made me realize that the decisions I am making in my life right now will have big effects. It's not just me but my family, friends, and maybe someday future family. They deserve to have the best me I can give them. I don't want them to have to worry about my problems.

Side note: I was at a New Year's party and my brother asked me if a kid there was Marcus Gilson (a guy I was friends with growing up who is returing from his mission in like three weeks). I looked and I was a little startled. I thought it was Marcus for a second. I don't know why I was scared. I was friends with Marcus in high school and I am excited for him to come home. I think I was startled for a few reasons. 1. I want to look good when I see him, (don't you always want to look good when you see someone when you haven't seen them in awhile) 2. I wasn't prepared with what to say to him. RM's are wierd, you haven't seen or talked to them in two years and you are supposed to be friends with them again?, and how do you catch up on two years, it makes for awkward conversation. 3. I'm scared of what he will think when he sees me. Will he remember that I only wrote him twice in two years? Will he be excited to see me? Or will he be too cool and spiritual? What do I have to show for two years gone by? A rod in my leg, a few more credits, a little smarter...not much else. It's not a competition but ghez, there should be more to show.

And there I leave you in this late hour. I have been very honest, my truest feelings, so don't judge me. And maybe it's time I start writing in a journal instead.