Insecurity

I'm usually pretty self-confident. I am not bashful or shy and don't get embarassed easily. But last night I felt awkward. I was traveling to a bishopric member's house with a group of people from my ward for FHE. I know and enjoy all of them. But for some reason I felt really insecure among them. I don't know what it was. I wasn't joining in the conversation or starting my own topics. After I got out of the car I wondered why. Did I not feel like I was at their level? Was it just that I didn't have anything to say related to the topic? Or did I not fit in? I don't really know. I do know that sometimes I have a tendency to quiet up around people I don't know as well. I don't like that fact about me. I tend to like being around smaller groups of people rather than navigating in a huge crowd. (Or the other problem could be that I was in the front seat next to the boy driving and I am insecure in conversing with males; this is a very good possibility.)

On a semi-related note: This experience got me thinking about something that happened when I was in 6th grade I think. I had a group of friends growing up and they started getting into music. Whenever we got together they would start talking about the songs they liked or different bands on the radio. I was completely clueless about music. But I was feeling left out. So I started listening to my walkman so I could learn songs that were on the radio. I think it's kind of funny that the reason I started listening to music was so I could fit in. I love music now, so it's a good thing, but this is an example of the power others can have over you.

Jenn and Aaron's house

I got to watch America's Best Dance Crew. Jenn told me she liked my clevage (on my manga picture). I had a lot of fun reformatting my blog. And Jenn was THIS close to signing me up for a LDS singles website. Good times.

P.S. Aaron's favorite song is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. I love it.

Fifty Nifty United States

Here are some random state facts that are interesting to me:

-The state of Texas has a "flag pledge." They say it before the Pledge of Allegiance. "Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible." How's that for Texas state pride?

-In Arizona your driver's license doesn't expire for like 45 years. This means you will be walking around at age 40 with your 16 year-old face on your license. I'm not sure this is such a great idea because it is very trusting of Arizonans. What about identity theft? How do you get old people not to drive if they can't physically do it anymore? I just got mine renewed and am glad to finally get it horizontal and a new and better looking picture.

-In Washington (my home state) they enacted a law in July of 2008 against talking on cell phones while driving. This is the first of its kind in the U.S. I hope they catch a lot of people! (Sorry, that is my inner public health major coming out).

-54 years after Brown V. Board of Education a Mississippi high school still had yet to hold an integrated prom. The actor Morgan Freeman volunteered to foot the bill at his former high school if they did. A documentary film maker followed the attempt to get this to come to pass. READ.

-Whenever I introduce myself I have to say I am from Washington State, not just Washington. This is because people for some reason assume Washington D.C. This is perplexing to me because people from Washington D.C. refer to it as "D.C." not Washington. It is also mostly "West Coast" people who have this confusion. This also baffles me because of our geographical proximity to Washington state and the likelihood they have been there and not D.C. Did people not pass 4th grade geography?

-Whenever Marissa introduces herself as from Alabama I always start singing the song in my head. I can get to about Kentucky before I mess up. How far can you get? And the Alabama state song is "Stars Fell on Alabama." How poetic.

Good News!

*Aisha found my catchphrase game in the snow yesterday! She looked in the snow between her and Marissa's cars and saw something that was blue and white. It was underneath the ice so she got a plastic spoon and dug it out. I laughed so hard because I was sure that I had lost it. It even worked! I am so happy that I can still play it because I enjoy that game.

*I got into the Social dance 180 class. The first time I went I realized how much I missed dancing and also how fun it is! I am probably one of the oldest girls in the class and the boys are all freshman; I wouldn't have had the confidence to take it as a freshman. My biggest obstacle will be learning to dance with a partner because all the dancing I've done is by myself.

*Also, I have been running into people like crazy this past week on campus. I love it! It's so fun running into old friends and catching up for a minute. I enjoy hearing how they are doing and what is going on in their lives. I have run into Nathan, Natalie, Matt, Matt, Stephanie, DK, Shane, Micah, Kameron, another Matt and probably other people I can't remember.

*I just got back from today's devotional with Elder Holland. It was a great talk. He talked about leaving the past in the past and not worring about it too much or longing for it. Faith is for the future. We don't exercise faith if we long for the past because we think the future holds nothing for us. We also need to forgive ourselves and others for sins because that is also holding onto the past. Elder Holland told a touching story about how he and his wife Pat were newlyweds. They were very poor and struggling to get by. One day they were walking to school when Elder Holland asked his wife if they should just give up. He could get a decent enough job and support his family. Pat faced him and told him that they were working for their future. They were willing to work hard now so that their future could be better. 20 years later Elder Holland was the president of BYU! He expressed so much his love for the students at BYU. I could feel that he grew that love while he was president but that he still feels that love for the students at BYU today. It was a good talk for me to hear especially because I am nearing the end of my BYU experience and the future is kind of freaking me out right now. I am excited to go read it again.

*In the mail today I got my official horizontal drivers license. I'm officially offical. Plus a letter from Monicky. I must write her.

*Also I watched an hour national geographic show about Giant Pandas. They are my most favorite animal. The show was about a panda nursery in China and followed twin pandas being born. Usually when twins are born the mother rejects one and favors the other. The rejected one usually dies even though it is fed and taken care of. It is facinating to me that this animal needs its mother to survive. They were trying a new method of switching the babies out and taking turns so they each got attention. Both survived. And it didn't hurt that there were a ton of cute cuddly pandas to look at. I got to see a real Giant Panda in the San Diego Zoo when I was 16 I think. There are only a few zoos in the entire United States because they are so rare. Even then, they are technically "on loan" from China with the intent that the pandas would mate. It was awesome!

...And, I got told that Jenn and Aaron listen to my blog for background music and they really enjoy it. I take that as a compliment :) So many things to be excited about...ahhhh!

Can I Have It Back Now?

-A man wants money for the kidney he gave his ex-wife. READ
-Journey is amazing. The End.

"Hi, I'm Dr. So-and-so but call me Mike"

This is the phrase I have heard so often this week. All of my teachers have told us to call them by their first names which is kind of cool but unsettling at the same time. For me it's really weird to go up to an adult and address them by their first name. Especially adults who have worked so hard professionally to get where they are at. Don't they enjoy being called doctor? Also I think using their first names puts us on the same level, which we are so not. They are smarter, older and wiser than I am. I still feel like I am their "student" not their friend or even colleague. There was only one teacher who didn't tell me to use his first name. He is young and still wants to rub his title in people's faces. But you can call me Meagan. :)

Please Excuse My Attitude

I need an attitude adjustment and I need it now. I am having major issues for the following reasons.
-I biffed it in the snow today and fell hard
-It has been snowing all day, now this is not usually a problem but when you don't have covered parking or have to walk around in all day/be wet when you finally get inside it makes life less enjoyable
-I know that this said snow could linger until April, it is very possible, and my anger at snow could also last that long
-I lost my catchphrase game in the snow and won't find it until the snow melts in July, it could also be run over by cars
-I am having my quarter life crisis because I will be 22 in a month
-I am not trying hard to be social and am having an attitude about it

A bright spot is that Jenn and Aaron are giving me a ride to school tomorrow.
Apologies to Marissa for having to deal with me.