Insecurity

I'm usually pretty self-confident. I am not bashful or shy and don't get embarassed easily. But last night I felt awkward. I was traveling to a bishopric member's house with a group of people from my ward for FHE. I know and enjoy all of them. But for some reason I felt really insecure among them. I don't know what it was. I wasn't joining in the conversation or starting my own topics. After I got out of the car I wondered why. Did I not feel like I was at their level? Was it just that I didn't have anything to say related to the topic? Or did I not fit in? I don't really know. I do know that sometimes I have a tendency to quiet up around people I don't know as well. I don't like that fact about me. I tend to like being around smaller groups of people rather than navigating in a huge crowd. (Or the other problem could be that I was in the front seat next to the boy driving and I am insecure in conversing with males; this is a very good possibility.)

On a semi-related note: This experience got me thinking about something that happened when I was in 6th grade I think. I had a group of friends growing up and they started getting into music. Whenever we got together they would start talking about the songs they liked or different bands on the radio. I was completely clueless about music. But I was feeling left out. So I started listening to my walkman so I could learn songs that were on the radio. I think it's kind of funny that the reason I started listening to music was so I could fit in. I love music now, so it's a good thing, but this is an example of the power others can have over you.